me + the book of alchemy by suleika jaouad.

unedited, daily(ish) responses to journaling prompts from this book. my goal here is to practice expressing myself in a new format :]

08/23/26

i have mixed feelings about engaging with this book in this way. jaouad, at least in the first couple of chapters, locates the utility, appeal, and, in her parlance, magic, of journaling in its privacy. it is writing with no audience, no fear of judgement, and no style, form, or content restraints. it is a container for the goop of life, where we can convene with the subconscious!

i know i will continue to journal privately, though. i'm just experimenting with "blogging." so maybe i should just do that. unsure. i've developed some strange antisocial beliefs about myself, and i intend to practice existing in different social spaces. i just want to see what'll happen. "i just want to see what'll happen," reminds me of the protagonist in the the wall by marlen haushofer. her old life suddenly disappears, and she's thrust into a new life: one of simple, brutal, hardscrabble survival. In her new reality, it's clear to her that it'll all only end one way: succumbence to starvation, injury, or illness. even so, she decides to live. and a major reason is that she's curious. she's curious about what will happen next, what she'll experience. she wants to see. my thoughts are still developing, and i'm curious to see how the book will end. this idea of living simply for the sake of one's own curiosity is settling into the back of my mind and i intend to let it simmer. and she has other reasons to persist. she's dedicated to the ineffable spirit of life or something. she loves her dog, cow, and cat and she hates killing. i don't know exactly what that part means to me right now. i'm repelled by anti-suicide messaging that assumes we all should want the same thing and that life is worth it, just because it is. thinking about animals helps me think about everything else. i'm sad when cats are euthanized when they could have more life to live. i'm mourning their opportunity to experience the pleasures of life. is that really it? simmering...

this is actually not a response to the prompt from the journaling book. i'm going to do that longhand, in private :]